hi

It amazes me how quickly time passes between posts. I always wait until I have quiet time to write and then nothing gets written.

Maybe I'll try to write when I have time, although not necessarily quiet, and see what gets written. I really enjoy reading other peoples blogs, even when they are on the surface about mundane stuff. I think it helps to see that other people have a daily grind but still mange to accomplish their goals. I tend to gravitate towards blogs that highlight a creative aspect of a life. Many of the blogs are by parents,mostly but not entirely, mothers who are crafters or artists or writers or designers. Its great to sit and see the different worlds you get to glimpse.

I would like to spend more time talking to or even possibly interviewing parents about how they juggle their lives and still have creative output. Particularly parents who lean towards the attachment parenting spectrum of child rearing. I fall somewhere in the middle road.
Mostly I am not a schedule follower.

I have found I somewhat envy the parents that talk of the success of their home schooling efforts. I also envy the parents that seem to effortlessly manifest wholesome time with their children. I always feel too stressed and distracted lately to do simple things and give my daughter my complete attention. Obviously some of that struggle is that I have a demanding 7 month old son and I nurse. I don't feel I always fail to give her my attention, its just more fractured lately.

I also am trying to anticipate the winter indoor doldrums by researching now, things to do around town. I don't want to spend oodles of money and somehow it needs to mesh with both age groups. Its really tricky to find other children to interact with after half day kindergarten. Most children are all day students. So we need to find ways to interact with other kids to break the winter monotony of one anothers' company as well.
All this needs to happen without bringing home every available winter germ too.

It is completely in my best interest to write here on a regular basis. It will accomplish multiple things simultaneously. I need to give myself the permission to let it be imperfect writing. I need to value it as the treasure it is to me. Writing is an integral part of the person I am and not writing makes me feel diminished.

While I struggle with the multiple plates spinning in midair that is life with children and a spouse, I need to remind myself that this, that regular writing is my refuge. I don't want to fall prey to that thing, that thing that seems to steamroll mothers the most, where sacrifices are made without consciously deciding to make the sacrifice. I think firstly it oppresses creative people, and then it preys on mothers, no probably parents.

I've also been shuffling ideas in my head about domesticity, feminism, modern rootlessness, the breakdown of the nuclear family and community, a book I bought recently touched on this very subject. A book I've somehow how already misplaced that has to do with "the hearth". This leads in to the other struggle I've had which is how to create some order from the chaos.

I feel like I waste so much time and energy being disorganized and disheveled. But it feels so pointless lately trying to make headway because I have so little free time to approach the tasks that need to be done and so few of them are small, "instant" tasks. I'm not giving up. But what a frustrating process. Which frustrates my yearning for creative output because there is always competition for the time.

I've also begun laying the foundation for a couple large projects knowing they can be successful but not knowing quite how they are going to get created in this crazy day to day life I have currently.

And don't forget, patience is not my first virtue.

I also want to dedicate time to the effort to impeach Cheney. I am constantly being told its a waste of time and won't amount to anything. But I feel like impeaching Cheney would be the best way to convey to the globe that Americans as a whole do not condone his activities nor the activities of the mega corporations he represents. I know I am an idealist but so much is at stake. I genuinely worry about the world my kids are inheriting. I feel a responsiblity to voice my concerns at the very least and be active in some way to create the kind of world I want them to have.