Monday, December 19, 2005


I have been so unable to get words from my mhead to outside lately. So I thought I would start here. Just get words out. Not stress about them. Not edit them or rethink them first.
Its the week before Christmas. I'm simultaneously delighted and ambivalent. I thought my Decorating Party (we make ornaments) would kick my spirits into high gear but it didn't.
I'm too social for my own good in a way. I haven't had to do the mall craziness because I'm not buying a lot but I do sort of miss out on that buzz you get in the mall. I know its overdone and even sort of overwhelming but there is a commonality inherent-the idea we're all in this together at the same time. I'm a sucker for the whole Christmas Spirit thing and want to feel all snug and enveloped in it.
There's any number of legitimate, rational reasons why I couldn't so all the things I wanted to do to celebrate. I want to put upa gazillion Christmas lights outside and we have a smattering. And one set that look remarkably like teeth and people keep asking us why we've hung teeth for Christmas.
I want more than one tree, I wanted a little tree in each room so I can cater ot my folly for multiply themed trees. And I wanted to make wonderful batches of cookies. And, and and and I want to just feel delirious about Christmas.
Perhaps, it really all comes together for me on Christmas Eve when I can't see clearly anymore because its so late and I 've been wrapping like a mad woman...and then I get the annual panic that underneath the tree looks bare, that they'll be disappointed and then I have to remind myself its ok. Because I choose to choose gifts carefully and not for the volume under the tree. And the first stirrings that announce its Christmas morning. My four year old still hasn't woken up in a frenzy yet. She wakes up and tells us its morning and we have to remind her that Santa may have come in the night. And we saunter downstairs and she gets the big twinkly eyes and then methodically opens her gifts. It tickles us so much.
We simmer in the toy assembly aftermath and then collect our sense for the rest of the day where people visit and we visit others.
Well the Munchkin wants a little of my undivided attention...cya