Monday, November 24, 2003

mmmmm, the holidays

I guess lots of blogs will be addressing the holidays. Personally I enjoy them more than I loathe them. There are political and commercial reaons not to support them but at this point in my life these are traditions I'm not ready to put to rest.
Thanksgiving is actually fairly pleasant. We do it pot luck style and invite whoever needs a seat at a table that year we know of. Folks are usually on their good behaviour, not much drinking and no football to speak of, so its pretty mellow.
I do like to set a nice table but since we often sit somewhere with a plate on our lap I don't put much effort into it.
I guess its boiled down to a yearly day my twisted family gets together to eat. I haven't made many attempts to politicize it. Most of us agree the Natives got screwed. I don't know how familiar everyone is with factory farming but my blood doesn't seem to be very revolutionary. They're all stuck in their retail or cubicle jobs and just don't seem to have the energy for anything else. A lot of un-addressed depression lurking too but that's another whole thing.
Christmas is my second favorite holiday. It's in a toss up with Halloween. I think I like anything that's dramatic. I love to decorate the house. Although last year not much happened. I hope this year I at least get the outside lights up. I will probably opt for unbreakable ornaments on the tree. We get a live tree, and then plant one somewhere in the spring. Tried the artificial one year and our cats destroyed it. And I missed the smell of pine. I have to confess though-one of the items I'm aching to get my hands on is an aluminum tree with the color wheel. I NEED it. Its a nostalgia thing. I'd have both.
I like everything associated with Christmas except me caroling and the retail insanity. I think this year we've come up with a good plan. The girls in thefamily have put our funds together and we're going to a full day home spa. Hiring a masseuse and everything. We get pampered, we have togetherness and we're not stuck in the stores. I'm looking forward to it.
I want to do a boy group thing but I am flummoxed and can't think of something they would all like....
Last year, we ONLY shopped at local merchants. It was a lot less crowded and I didn't feel like I was contributing directly to a monopoly. I'll shop for the kids that way this year too.
I also have my annual decorating party. We all get together at my place and make Christmas ornaments. We have the tried and true glass ball projects and we try something different each year. Even the non-artists really seem to enjoy themselves. We listen to goofy Christmas music, have coffe, tea and chocolate chip cookies and whatever goodies are handy. Lots of laughter and companionship....the best!.
Christmas day is usually kinda nuts because I've ALWAYS driven from house to house to visit. I have no idea what its like to wake up and stay home.

I'm off to the grocery store to get ingredients to try some new recipes.

Monday, November 17, 2003


I've been thinking all day today about what identity I want to have here. Do I want one that most mirrors me or do I want one that's very different? If I try to be fake I think it will be obvious. And there's already quite a bit of artifice around. I think my time is best spent being authentic.
This isn't to say I can't be dramatic or theatrical or plastered in makeup if the mood strikes me.
Let's look at the different identities I can catalogue:
mother-to my 15 year old son Eric and my 17 month old daughter Sophie. Mothering consumes the most of my physical, mental and emotional energy. It is the one that is the most rewarding when I feel I am being good at it. It is the most unusual because it can give me instant gratification but it will take many years to see if I've done any lasting damage or I was essentially successful at nurturing well rounded human beings.
wife-this is my second most consuming identity. It still feels funny to call myself that. Even the second time around. It seems like an archaic fuddy duddy term. Not modern enough or something. I am comfortably certain there will be no third time. I am confident of this fact because should this attempt fail I will either be in jail, in hiding or will have become a Tibetan lesbian nun.
a grown child-I have parents. This fact is sometimes astounding to me. Primarily because I cannot imagine the two people romantically involved. They've been divorced forever. I think they were married a total of a year or so. Oddly enough, at least to me, I was a planned child.
sister-i have two brothers and two sisters. Not much of a relationship with the older brother and sister. The reason is a long story illustrating the roots of the screwed up dynamics of my family.
friend-I have some groovy wonderful freinds and wouldn't be the person I am today without them.
compulsive helper-it both satisfies me and makes me crazy.
therapist-it seems to be my karma
creative person, specifically writer-I've been stringing words on paper since I was tiny. One day,(goal five years)I'll have my book on bookstore shelves and I'll make some money. I like to do visual stuff too: collage, beadwork, photography, spiff stuff up with glitter and other paraphernalia. I constantly rearrange furniture and paint rooms or furniture different colors (well it was constantly before Sophie was born).
people watcher-ok maybe its not an identity exactly but I LOVE it and its something I always do.
frustrated optimist-I don't want to get into a litany of labels for myself but my heart breaks daily because of how human beings try to boss nature around. And daily I'm astounded by human cruelty. But, I don't think human beings or society must stay entrenched. I think change is possible if not imperative. I'm not sure if I can change the world but I know I can take responsibility for myself and my choices and that is a place to start.
critter lover-can't pass anything pettable and want to pet the unpettable.
bibliophile-can't throw a book away
sexual being-some times more than others but always fascinated.
enjoy music-particularly live.
partier-no not the chemical kind, although I have been known to drink Kahlua once in awhile. I just love to pick a reason, set a mood and invite folks over. But don't go expecting a Martha Stewart kind of shindig...maybe more like The Frugal Gourmet meets Sharon Osbourne.

That's a pretty good review for starters. Obviously you'll get to know me better as this progresses. And when I figure out how you can respond if the mood strikes you, I'll get to know you better too. I guess you can always send an

oh yeah, I think I volunteered for a campaign for today. I'll let you know what I end up doing.


Thursday, November 13, 2003

part II

Let's talk about some of the reasons I want to blog. I want to blog to create community, even if its virtual. I want to explore politics and activism . I want to find some like minded creatures. That's really the tough one. I feel eternally on the fringe. If I am in a radical group...i'm not AS radical. If I'm in a conservative group..oooh I'm radical, or freaky, or hippy, or just not part of that tribe. It never used to bother me. But, now, well, its just old. It would be nice to just click with someone and then have a relationshp evolve naturally. And it would be exceptional if that person lived nearby. It would be nice to find an enclave of folks who enjoy the activities I do.

I know part of my angst is never having a relationship mature into what I had with my teen age best friend. Who has silently disappeared off the face of the Earth and who I fear is dead or in some nasty place. We became friends because during a fateful phonecall I talked him out of jumping off his roof. We were inseparable after that. We did the eighties thing together. He lived with me. He came out of the closet to me. I drove all the way to Virginia Beach to visit him when he lived with his twisted military father (who thought we needed another war like Viet Nam, that was a good war). He came back to live with my mother while I lived elsewhere. We were tight.

But, I haven't had that comradery in too many years. My hubby is a fantastic guy but he's not the same. A girl needs a confidante, ya know.

Don't get me wrong. I do meet cool people and I do have some wonderful friends. Its just you miss having a best buddy.

So on a political note, I heard Kucinich on the radio yesterday. He is a Democratic candidate for president. I liked what he had to say. He is an underdog and may not even get a nomination. I am considering voluteering for his campaign. I'm curious how others feel about him.

I think I'm going to go spend some time learning how to use this Blog and set up all my options.

Til next time