Wednesday, February 25, 2009

late night

The kidlets are sleeping and I'm alone with my thoughts. I can think of other things I should do but this is good for ME. At least I think it is.

A little perplexed how to get more movement in my day so I'm not boxed into some kind of exercise routine I gag on. I danced briefly with Uly to a song he likes. I pushed him a half dozen times or more up and down outside..I tried to go fast enough to trot occasionally. That is not enough but a tiny bit is better than none at all?

I'm hampered currently by the weather and by the inconsistency of Carm's schedule. I could be firm about my schedule but its not my nature.

I'm thinking creatively and strategically about The Land of La. It has had the desired effect so far. I am visualizing it as a success for everyone involved.

I need to research if freelance writing is viable as a income stream. I am willing to invest my time and energy to that.

I really need to research more about raising fancy chickens.

I want another way to keep track of my days. This is partly helpful but I need more detail and I want it to be daily.

I have two ideas for Sophie's birthday presents but I don't know if I realistically have the time.
I gotta try to do at least one of them.

I want to spend a little time updating the links to my favorite blogs. I really do enjoy them. They are a bit of a time suck in one way but they are terribly inspiring in most ways. Just seeing and reading about all the other daily lives out there. People pursuing their dreams, raising their kids, trying to follow their bliss, taking chances, going against the grain. All that good stuff.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

thinking a lot

and that's what always gets me into trouble. Not real trouble mind you, just I tie myself in mental knots.

I was thinknig today while I was sweeping, that my attitude towards home cleanliness has changed. I used to not really care, and that probably gave me more time for creativity (well not caring and not having kids!) but today I was wondering if in my incrementally encroaching maturity, MAYBE my attitude about it has changed because my attitude towards ME has changed.
I maybe have admitted to myself that I DO care what other folks think, I am willing to take into consideration now the intensity of first impressions and how negative first impressions are hard to shake. I also think I have come to a place where I genuinely care about myself more and there by care more about my personal environment more. I'll NEVER! be a neatnik. but I can more often embrace the Zen of housework and the lesson that you just have to do maintenance in life and its a lot of the same thing over and over again.....the dishes, the laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, scrubbing stuff. It can't be changed. The maintenance will always need to be done. Only your attitude towards it can change.

I also try really hard trying not to waste energy wishing and fighting about what other people in the house will and won't do. Ther are exceptions, I won't allow complete slobbery. I just made peace with the concept that if filth or some chore bothers me that is not done, than I just do it. I will ask for help, suggest help, but I won't bitch if it doesn't happen. It makes a postive differnece for me.

I'm really working on the psychology of my clutter and problems with getting systems or organization in place that would make my life easier. I waste WAY TOO MUCH time just looking for things. It makes me crazy!! I know some of my complication are the kids messing with the family desk. I also have to mesh with someone else and we haven't found something yet that works for both of us. I'm hoping google calendar could help but we haven't experimented yet. So much of the projects I have would get done almost effortlessly if I was organized and then I fantasize maybe, that I could do even more things.

This organization issue really hampers my homeschooling fantasy.

It also hampers my quest for creativity. I'm pleased that I'm trying to work through it and try to understand it rather than just getting disgusted and giving up.

If I can just figure it out slowly even it will help immeasurably. Especially for the new projects that are unfolding.

I've had to compromise with myself and come to terms with the fact that I realistically can probably only blog once a week. I may take pictures more often. I can't beat myself up because the blogging doesn't happen. Its not productive. I do wish I could use it better as a kind of daily journal but paper may be more feasible.

I need pen and paper on my body more often.

I need to finish my notion that different bags for different purposes will help me.

I remembered I am desperate for more magic in my life. I haven't yet defined what that magic is...or if it even requires a definition or description. I think it has to do with art and nature.

My kids are amazing but soooo exhausting.

My grownup kid is going to Europe for the summer and I'm REALLY jealous. I want to sneak away and go with them. I would seriously consider it but I'm really good at making excuses and rationalizations why I won't go. sad isn't it.

I love trees. I love the play of shadow and sun on a floor or a wall.

I want to explore my femininity.
I've decided to celebrate my clutter by photographing it.

ya know, I can be an artist if want to.

Friday, February 13, 2009

time flies

I read somewhere that the sensation of time flying as we age is caused by the fact we don't record what we've done with our days. So the days have a tendency to blur together.

I like that idea. SO in addition to making this a creativity log (haha) I want to make it just a daily log.

Wish me luck!

Also really trying to change my food habits. more nuts fruits and veggies as staples rather than as snacks. I'm so trained to think a meal is meat, bread or pasta and a veggie. It can be soooooo many things.

Right now i'm eating an apple instead of a bowl of cereal. And i'm going to make brown paper bags of my own snack mix to carry with me always.

I'm one of those people who don't understand the concept of a schedule or routine but would most likely benefit from one or both.

This past tuesday night I went to Follow The Buffalo writing workshop at El Rancho Grande and was glad I did because it genuinely recharged MY interest in my story. Its been lying lonesome and untended for so long. Even if I never publish it, my psyche needs to finish it. I need that experience.

Uly was awfully cute just now playing the piano and singing his own material. Priceless.

Sophie was stressing this morning over her looming test of the day on simple machines. I hope the worry doesn't ruin her day. There are 6 simple machines. Do you know what they are?

The pics are my mom and Uly playing with the pigeons and gulls in Fells Point on tuesday.
They are phone pics, but you knew that.

Monday, February 09, 2009

does it ever make sense

Why do we have the utter illusion that if we just do this one thing, if just this undertaking or project gets done, then we will be better some how. We will feel more in control, more on top of things? Why do we insist on believing this fallacy? I mean, really, why?

Its so self defeating. IT will never all get done. NEVER. Something always comes to take the place of the thing that got done, that isn't done.

I beat myself senseless with this merry go round. I do sometimes get the satisfaction of seeing things get done, the joy of having a project come to fruition. Its particularly satisfying when its a creative project.

But house maintenance, laundry, dishes, all that stuff is eternal and never ever finished. I try so hard to be Zen about it and just try to be present and try to to do my best but ultimately I find it tedious and dull and unfullfilling.

Thats when I bust out and do a craft or something. Paint a wall that doesn't need painting.
Anyway, all that was to preface the fact that our Valentine's craft is done.

If i dig through my archives I can give credit to the original crafter who came up with the idea for the tree but I'm lazy right now. I promise i will find it.

The painting is one of my favorites...not sure who the artist is...its a mermaid and a man in a desperate embrace at waters edge.

I haven't been taking a photo every day and I have't been creative everyday but I am thinkng about it regularly. I have to figure out how to post the crafty/creative posts here to Creative Every Day blog.

I did make mini meat loaves again for dinner tonight. I will try to photograph them but I don't know how photogenic they are.

I went to accupuncture today after a long time. It was delightful.

Had a great readig at Mians' this past sunday. I read a couple pieces and got some compliments afterwards. That always feels good.

I want to take a good head shot of myslef for various reasons one of which is to show off my new hair.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

phooey on personal challenges

I was SO intent on really following through on posting everyday iwth a pic or at the very least, once a week. How did that go? Last post -Jan 14.

I'm not gonna beat up on myself but it is frustrating.

I'll post a pic and that's about it.

Here is Valentine crafting underway. I'll show the finished product soon. Its only taken a week or so.