Monday, November 17, 2003


I've been thinking all day today about what identity I want to have here. Do I want one that most mirrors me or do I want one that's very different? If I try to be fake I think it will be obvious. And there's already quite a bit of artifice around. I think my time is best spent being authentic.
This isn't to say I can't be dramatic or theatrical or plastered in makeup if the mood strikes me.
Let's look at the different identities I can catalogue:
mother-to my 15 year old son Eric and my 17 month old daughter Sophie. Mothering consumes the most of my physical, mental and emotional energy. It is the one that is the most rewarding when I feel I am being good at it. It is the most unusual because it can give me instant gratification but it will take many years to see if I've done any lasting damage or I was essentially successful at nurturing well rounded human beings.
wife-this is my second most consuming identity. It still feels funny to call myself that. Even the second time around. It seems like an archaic fuddy duddy term. Not modern enough or something. I am comfortably certain there will be no third time. I am confident of this fact because should this attempt fail I will either be in jail, in hiding or will have become a Tibetan lesbian nun.
a grown child-I have parents. This fact is sometimes astounding to me. Primarily because I cannot imagine the two people romantically involved. They've been divorced forever. I think they were married a total of a year or so. Oddly enough, at least to me, I was a planned child.
sister-i have two brothers and two sisters. Not much of a relationship with the older brother and sister. The reason is a long story illustrating the roots of the screwed up dynamics of my family.
friend-I have some groovy wonderful freinds and wouldn't be the person I am today without them.
compulsive helper-it both satisfies me and makes me crazy.
therapist-it seems to be my karma
creative person, specifically writer-I've been stringing words on paper since I was tiny. One day,(goal five years)I'll have my book on bookstore shelves and I'll make some money. I like to do visual stuff too: collage, beadwork, photography, spiff stuff up with glitter and other paraphernalia. I constantly rearrange furniture and paint rooms or furniture different colors (well it was constantly before Sophie was born).
people watcher-ok maybe its not an identity exactly but I LOVE it and its something I always do.
frustrated optimist-I don't want to get into a litany of labels for myself but my heart breaks daily because of how human beings try to boss nature around. And daily I'm astounded by human cruelty. But, I don't think human beings or society must stay entrenched. I think change is possible if not imperative. I'm not sure if I can change the world but I know I can take responsibility for myself and my choices and that is a place to start.
critter lover-can't pass anything pettable and want to pet the unpettable.
bibliophile-can't throw a book away
sexual being-some times more than others but always fascinated.
enjoy music-particularly live.
partier-no not the chemical kind, although I have been known to drink Kahlua once in awhile. I just love to pick a reason, set a mood and invite folks over. But don't go expecting a Martha Stewart kind of shindig...maybe more like The Frugal Gourmet meets Sharon Osbourne.

That's a pretty good review for starters. Obviously you'll get to know me better as this progresses. And when I figure out how you can respond if the mood strikes you, I'll get to know you better too. I guess you can always send an

oh yeah, I think I volunteered for a campaign for today. I'll let you know what I end up doing.


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