Sunday, October 09, 2005

Was It Fate?

So picture this. You’re driving down a winding country road, late at night because you have to get out. Your toddler is in the car seat. You ache to drive and drive and just end up somewhere. Anywhere but the place in the middle of nowhere you are now.

Your phone only rings with bill collectors, you must choose between one less pound of hamburger or the magazine at the grocery check out.

You spend recklessly one day because your all time favorite artist has a new album. You are delighted. You don’t feel the least bit guilty you are holding his album in your grubby little hand. You choose to savor the anticipation. It’s still in the plastic wrap.

As you cruise aimlessly through the darkened roads you feel the disc calling to you. Just wait a little bit longer. Just bask in this knowledge its there. But patience has never been your strong point. You reach under the seat and pull it out. Bite thru the cellophane and release it.

You tenderly slide it into the player. The first moments of silence are exquisite torture. “Inner Revolution” is the first song. It reflects what you feel about life. It resonates. You are glad Adrian Belew sings it. You see your toddler is tapping along in the back seat. Briefly, you only feel enveloped by music.

Okay, have you got it? Are you right there with me? Good!

The next thing I know, Adrian is singing about MY life. I am incredulous. He sings the thoughts that had been creeping quietly in my psyche.

“What was the sense in keeping alive

something that never made us satisfied
sometimes it's better to get on with your life
I don't believe in hurting each other all the time

Simple lyrics accompanied by bittersweet melodies brought all the pieces clicking in to place for me. Just like that. The painful truth was, that I would leave. I would disconnect THE FAMILY.

The funny thing was, it felt ok. The crushing weight that had been lumbering around on my shoulders, on my heart, got lighter. I blasted the volume and sung along. I decided I would no longer fight “The War In The Gulf Between Us”.

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