its the weekend

wow we have a lot of clothes in this house. especially when you add the handful of end of year fall/winter clothes that still fit from last year. There are 5 of us in the house and lordy do the clothes add up.

I had child free time tonight and as much as I wanted to go play! I knew that I would be more sane during single parent week if I had a handle on some of the chaos in the house. I got a LOT done. I'm still doing laundry but I can keep up with a couple loads at a time now.

I'm so conscious of spending money and yet it feels like I still spend foolishly when I'm shopping. It will be great to see from the new finance software I downloaded, if I'm making any improvements with my spending. I'm trying extra hard not to eat out and grab coffees left and right. Its really hard if we;re out and the kids start whining. I am getting better at bringing snacks and drinks. Not perfect but better.

I realize that I'm trying to revolutionize my life. I may set myself up for disappoint but I'm not very good at doing things slowly or methodically. I'm trying to eat local and/or from scratch. This is the toughest thing to get the kids to do. Their palates are already so screwed by food industry. They are making progress. Sophie in particular is making good choices of her own accord.

We've also brought a dog into the household which is a big thing. She's great with Uly and Soph was begging for a dog. I knew it would mostly be my job and I also knew it would force me to move around more. I can reason my way out of exercise no problem. I can't weasel my way out of walking the dog.

I am still making incremental steps towards a tidy organized house...you know according to my standards.

Making plans to expand what I do with PIB.

I'm also on an outward appearance polishing stint since the haircut. Multiple reasons for undertaking it but I think it will help me in the long run. Not to mention the fact its another from of self expression...I used to be a much more dramatic dresser. Want to bring makeup back into my life too.

Coaxing myself to take my writing seriously and take little steps every day that help me feel like a "real" writer.

I'm allowing myself to feel good about the things I accomplish. Instead of chastising myself for all the things I don't get done. I'm using this blog to help with that goal. Record keeping will give my perception some balance. I hope its not too boring for everyone else.

I'm also going to take myself more seriously by treating PIB like a business and taking all the steps that entails. It may take a little while but it will be good for me on multiple levels.

I was pleased with myself today eventually. I woke up kinda crappy and Uly was on my nerves early but instead of staying in the funk and being bitchy all day, I reminded myself that I only set myself back and hurt my day by choosing that mood. I didn't think it would make a difference but it did. I decided even if I didn't get my mammoth to do list done at least I could get little things done to prepare for another day to attack the mammoth list. I motivated and ran some little errands and felt better for it.

Getting out of the house also gave me the impetus not just ot buy kitty litter and a new dog collar but to clean out all the trash in the car and take all the car travel buildup in to the house.

Not sure what to do about mega dog hair in the car. maintenance vacuuming probably.

Working with myself not to stress about the farm. I need it to remain a pleasurable place and not just drudgery. Its hard not to routinely do the pros and cons list of living there when I think about havin chickens and other critters. But I also know I have to take it on gradually or I will just lose what sanity i have left.

wednesday already

I realized today I had a lot less written than I thought I did.

I was always thinking that I should have a list of things that trigger writerly thoguhts...bats and pumpkins and starts were idea lifted from Neil Gaiman's blog. I love!! Neil Gaiman. He's fierce and smart and funny and sweet. Well, I don't really know him but he spreads magic and damn if that isn't an important and terribly lovely talent to have!!!!

I was crying for poor trees today that were ripped up at the Lowes building site across from our playground/park. I hate that this is the norm. Would it really be that much more expensive to save a couple tress in the grand landscape of a fucking parking lot?!!!

I need to understand why the Tiger mosquitos are evil in our neighborhood and if we can do anything about it.

Sophie made her first pillow today at school learning to sew!!

We had a brief celebration of the Equinox at the farm with Christophe and Karen. Uly was a bit too exuberant for the night to be really pleasant for me but the fire was nice ans so was the evening.

I need to write or find something I've written about BAltimore.

HAve TO DO Prufrock!!!!!!

monday but feels later in the week

wow I love it when I feel like i do right now. Like things are possible, like I actually have a little sass, like I'm proud of myself that I continue to take little steps in this journey towards better health habits, like taking incremental but definitely positive steps in my parenting, feeling good about my daughters' school choice even if it is odd and totally non traditional, not feeling total dread about the impending fall winter season, being nervous but stoked about this whole farming adventure, giving my writing small chunks of time but consistent priority, feeling self confident enough to greet strangers and start conversations like used to, giving myself space and patience to learn how to be more tidy and organized, loving how Carm and I are working through money and time issues together and not just getting angry at one another, loving when the poetry events come together and feel like real community.

I couldn't point to a single prompt for all these changes and momentum. I know that reading The Omnivore's Dilemma started something. Then it was on to Animal Vegetable Miracle and the infomercial-ly Kevin Trudeau books. These books along with countless blogs and magazine articles confirmed for me that the food and health industries were precisely that-industries-and had little or no concern for the people using their "products". Its astounding what greed accomplishes without regard to others.

So I've been working really hard to take responsibility for what goes into my body and how I spend my money. Its even an effort to be the change you want to see. Its not necessarily easy. Especially when it comes to the kids or when you are unexpectedly running around. The junk is there waiting for you and your kids at every turn.

I've noticed how little tolerance I have for just how much junk is advertised as food and there seems to be no limitation to it. It seems immoral to me when its so heavily marketed to children. It also seems immoral when consumers get such half truths and mytholgy.

Anyway, this frustration and anger I'm channeling into the energy and willpower to change my habits. Marilu Henner books have been helpful too.
The book about the Iowan childhood during the Depression was very insightful too.

There is NO question that eating more plants and less out of a box is making a big difference to my physical health and my emotional health. I think the above list is a good indication. Usually I'm listing my laments.

Friday night was great! which I already mentioned. Saturday was a couple hours of crab feast and then on to the FlyIN at Essex Skypark which wasn't nearly as boring as I'm used to. I know partly is because I felt less frumpy and I sort of know a couple people. Uly was ecstatic with the planes and show cars. Soph had fun riding bikes.

It was a good farm say sunday. Pulled all the vegetable cages from the garden. Started cleaning out the red shed AND started cleanin out my big truck. Can't wait to drive that!

And its funnt I know that a big chunk of my returning sass and bette attitude is my hair cut. Its cut my frumpiness degree at least in half. At least in my self perception. Geez, I should've done it ages ago. But better late than never!

blissful friday

I'm still buzzing from the delightful, hilarious, poetic friday night that I almost didn't attend.

Jim Warner and Virginia Crawford brought me the most delightful, delicious gathering of friends I've had in so many ages I can't count them.

And we've discovered the best neighborhood bar in Hamilton-our secret.

wednesday

I had all these great but swiftly passing thoughts while I did dishes and drove and when I got near the computer i would promptly forget them....

The one great thing about Sudbury is that our mornings are so much more relaxed. No more giant battles of will or crying plaintive wailing. Its GREAT!

Sophie was complaining this morning that she only wanted full days at school...Wednesdays are half days each week.

so got Soph to school, came home and took Sunny and Uly to see the big equipment down the road but it was a little cold.

Then breakfast for me and change of clothes for Uly and off to get a haircut with Barb. We were a little early so Uly walked Duncan arounf the block.

Off to the haircut. The hair lady has the funny little trilobite dog.

Then dropped off Barb and stopped by to say hi to Christy.

Picked Soph up.

Ran home and did paperwork for FOX Club.

Clipped some shrubbery out front.

Sent some First Day emails. Took some notes about my poetry goals.

did dishes, some laundry. Straightened dining room.

Took Soph to FOX Club. Wandered with Uly around park.

Came home and sorted stuff from dining room table, put books in shelf, shuffled papers on desk.

sent 3rd Friday Night PerVerse press emails

Scrubbed out water basin of vacuum. Hosed down brick path in yard.

ordered kabob carry out

Walked Sunny.

tuesday

Soph to school

made breakfast for Uly and I

showered Uly and I

scrubbed unknown sticky stuff from bedroom chest of drawers

scrubbed old cat vomit off bedroom floor

gathered dirty clothes

carried the multiple baskets to basement in multiple trips

hung up boys work clothes

scrubbed basement toilet and sink

scrubbed utility sink

sorted the major pile of laundry

washed dishes

straightened back porch

took sophie her lunch

took Uly and Sunny to park

picked Sophie up from school

made dinner of quinoa, black beans cabbage and salsa

made iced tea

sent some emails about Creative Alliance and scheduling

just washed dinner dishes

monday

soph to school

dropped another bag of clothes to Christine

Uly was uber cranky so I cooked a lot for him

Sent some poetry emails for scheduling

made dinner of taters onions cauliflower and mixed peppers

bathed Uly

walked sunny twice

sunday was wacky

farm, picked pumpkins and peppers with kids.

made egg sandwiches

washed mud off pumpkins in stream

got Uly to nap

went to Minas for poetry

drove mom back to Fells Point got coffee with mom and soph

came home

made fast dinner of sliced potatoes, yellow peppers onions and a few slices of ham.

crashed at 9:30 pm

poetrry at Greenmount

Today was consumed by poetry at Greenmount Cemetery and then a jaunt to HampdenFest where I discovered a new band. Caverns

Then to bookstore Atomic Books to get overwhelmed by books and tchotkes bought an Orion Magazine for the piece on Wendell Berry.

Hooked back up with Carm and kids after his 4 days away and went ot tail end of Defenders day at Fort McHenry and watched fireworks.

new approach

I'm thinking maybe I could use this as a reference tool.
Keep track somewhat of what I do in a day since it feels like I don't do much.

Is this the dullest idea ever? No I think it will help me appreciate the daily, the ordinary, the Zen.

Sophie started Sudbury this week. That's happy stuff!

Did 4 sun salutations

skimmed "how to create a non profit" documents

stayed pleasant with Uly from 5:30 am to 1:30 thank god he finally napped

made steel cut oats

took kids for chinese late lunch

spent two hours at bookstore with kids reading Uly books about earth movers

went to Trader Joes to get stuff for Memento Mori reading tomorrow

sent some First Day emails

answered some emails

got Uly asleep for the night